Eddie T Head VS Alfred Pennyworth
by Col. Sayaka Miki
Summary: An aged British butler takes on a fiend from the pits of a Heavy Metal hell.


**Two names are randomly selected from an ever-growing list of over eight hundred, and the selection is...**

 **EDDIE T. HEAD**

 **VS**

 **ALFRED PENNYWORTH**

 **Alfred, start us off!**

 _Good Lord, you're hideous  
Wayne Manor's not for idiots  
I shall begin by letting you know  
That the door is behind you, now go!  
Master Wayne shan't be disturbed by the likes of you  
A wrinkly zombie, demon thing, I bid you adieu  
I'll not tolerate such a perversion around  
So take your wasted corpse straight off of these grounds  
I do most of his work, but Master Wayne won't admit it  
But I understand by now most of the crimes you've committed  
You haven't said a word, but I'm sure you're quite dimwitted  
I'd end this with this verse, but won't risk being indebted  
So you can have your word, you disgusting wretch  
Sewer crawling filth, I can barely stand your stench  
I'd respect that you're British, but I can't give you that even  
You're a disgrace to our flag, now go complain to Stephen_

 **Eddie, you're rebuttal!**

 _What a Strange World you must live in  
That your master remains hidden  
In a giant house on private land  
Isolated like the Children of the Damned  
I'm Running Free, not like your show's villainous smorgasbord  
Not a Prisoner or a Powerslave, Wrathchild committing Murders on the Rue Morgue  
Two Minutes To Midnight, now watch the minute hand  
I'm here To Tame a Stranger In a Strange Gangland  
You got so many Killers on the loose in your town  
Invaders, Drifters, Duelists, I take them all down  
No more Phantom of the Opera, I'm the Phantom of rap battle  
This match is Aces High, now I brand you like cattle  
I'm the Seventh Son of a Seventh Son, Caught Somewhere In Time  
You're no Mariner, though quite Ancient, but I'm sick of your Rime  
This is your Flight of Icarus, while I'm up Where Eagles Dare in this game  
The Number of this Beast makes you Run To The Hills, so Hallowed Be My Name_

 **Alfred, back to you!**

 _I believe I've met a wicked-faced man with imbecilic hair like you before  
_ _He stirred up quite a bit of trouble, but one hit from Master Wayne and he was floored  
So I see that I was lenient, made it far easier than one like you deserved  
Now sit down and witness, trust me, I'm a butler, now get served  
I have a history in the armed forces, so no pushover here to face you  
I can see the rivets on your head, so tell me where your brain was misplaced to  
Every now and again, I take the form the scum of the world fear to fight  
Whenever Master Wayne isn't feeling so great, I'm the one who becomes the Dark Knight  
I'm fully capable of beating you senseless to within an inch of your last breath  
Leave you wounded and bleeding, your face looking worse than the cover for Dance Of Death  
You were quick to use hits, now I'll mention what blows, see your benefactors' detractors  
Most of the nineties, No Prayer For The Dying, Virtual XI, and The X Factor  
But at least those words can offer some truth  
No Prayer For The Dying, and no prayer for you  
You can have your last say, if you're still alive and awaiting your turn  
But know that Blaze era just makes me want to watch your world burn_

 **Eddie, finish it for us!**

 _Bruce came back, and while Wayne grumbles Dickinson is the Air Raid Siren  
I'm a Weekend Warrior like The Clansman, now watch Two Worlds Colliding  
I'm not here to bicker, man, like The Wicker Man, I'll send you up in flames  
Out Of The Silent Planet, I'm Metal, harder than granite, now Fear Is The Key to this game  
Say you were in the armed forces, fighting For The Greater Good Of God  
Mother Of Mercy, Lightning Strikes Twice, and you're the lightning rod  
It's El Dorado, The Final Frontier, this Journeyman makes his way  
You're old enough to have fought Paschendale, bet you were there on The Longest Day  
I'm The Alchemist with The Talisman, The Man Who Would Be King  
The Mercenary and The Fallen Angel, The Nomad about whom they sing  
No More Lies, the Age Of Innocence is over and Out Of The Shadows  
I'm Coming Home, the Starblind is here to read from The Book Of Souls  
Afraid To Shoot Strangers, The Reincarnation Of Benjamin Breeg takes your hand  
Ghost Of The Navigator with a Rainmaker makes you hide your Face In The Sand  
At the Speed Of Light, The Red And The Black mix with the Tears Of A Clown  
When The Wild Wind Blows, this Dream Of Mirrors will leave like the Empire Of The Clouds_

 **Combatants cease!**

* * *

 **As this is a one-off rap battle, feel free to comment on what your favorite parts were, mention any parts you thought were lacking, and let me know who you think won. Friendly reminder that this has been a randomized selection of two characters from a list of over eight hundred. As such, I'm not taking suggestions, for two reasons. This is set up the way it is so I cannot end up with characters I don't actually know anything about, and an interactive rap battle series would be against the rules of the site. :p  
Furthermore, this isn't a rap battle _series_. I may write other rap battles, but they will be separate and self-contained. I will write them when I see fit, and will ward off anyone who thinks they can influence what rap battles I write next. I told you already. It's random.  
Hope you enjoyed the battle. Please refrain from mindless one-word reviews and feel at liberty to over-analyze the lyrics.**


End file.
